Thursday, April 13, 2006

Chuck Norrisisms

My roommates and I recently discovered Chuck Norrisisms. So here are my top 10 favorite Chuck Norrisisms.

10. Chuck Norris only uses one chopstick.

9. We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.

8. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

7. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take

6. Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

5. It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

4. Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

3. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

2. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

1. Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".


Spaceman Spiff said...

Chuck Norris doesn't shave. Instead, every morning Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks himself in the face, because the only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

Sugarplum said...


Anonymous said...

Even babies must stop crying out of fear and respect for Chuck Norris.

Anonymous said...

Superman wears Chuck Norris pygamas.

There is no such thing as tornadoes. Its just chuck norris having a bad day

chuck norris isn't hung like a horse. Horses are hung like chuck norris

Jared said...

Chuck Norris clogs the toilet when he pisses

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris does not go hunting. He goes killing.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now just, the Islands.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

Dilloun said...

chuck norris is retarded, so are you

Steve said...

Chuck Norris doesnt do Push-ups. He pushes the earth down!

Anonymous said...

chuck norris's beard is made from one hair off of every person head that he's ever roundhouse kicked.

Anonymous said...

Oxygen needs Chuck Norris to survive.

The mississippi river is made up of all the tears of the widows of chuck norris' victims.

A single roundhouse kick from chuck norris; our first, last, and only hope against an asteroid about to hit Earth.

Anonymous said...

Chuck Norris once walked down a busy street with a massive erection... There were no survivors.

Charlie sheen said...

According to the theory of relativity, chuck norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

Chuck norris was born in a log cabin he built himself